O how I have been struggling...(long stretch of a still keyboard).
To be brutally honest, as I have began to seriously pray for my husband I am convicted of some pretty major things.
1. My fear. I am afraid and I as I pray I see how much of my words are driven by fear and doubt about Gabriel and about what God has given me. I know God has given me my perfect fit but daily I do not believe this and continually doubt the gift I have been given.
2. Releasing him. I am struggling with letting Gabriel fail or fall. I find myself praying that he would not fall and then am left wondering if that is infact God's plan for him. If it is would I be okay with that?
3. LOVE. I love Gabriel deeply as I am sure you as wives do too. I am asking and seeking that this loved would be refined. I am learning and realizing that so much of my love is actually superficial and not biblical. OUCH.
4. I am scared to trust and leave my life in Gabriel's hands.
5. I am finding it hard to put this out there, knowing that many will read this ... but I doubt. I doubt everything. I doubt that Gabriel is for me. I doubt .................. I DOUBT.
Then Day 6 comes.... I realize that I am sinning by doubting and not loving, holding to tight, fearing.... I see where Satan has been using me to destroy all that we have been given. I am writing this so that when the 31 days are over I can be reminded of where I am struggling and not let Satan reign.
I have been journaling my prayers and love reading of how I am working each days prayer out in my life. I struggled huge with Day 5.. actually putting it off until right before I began day 6. Do I know why? No but it scared me.
Mark 10:27
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."